2023 – when adoption was painful

2022 was marked by adoption – making the decision, fundraising constantly and diving into the paperwork left us exhausted. 2023 has left me a completely different way though… it has left me heartbroken and, at times, defeated.

Would you believe me if I admitted I’ve had moments where I’ve tearfully told God “I can’t do this.” ?
When I think of how I’d label our adoption journey in 2023, I’d call it PAINFUL and HEARTBREAKING. We received close to 50 cases and was ultimately passed-up every time. Two separate times, we got twin boy cases, and both times first-mama narrowed it down to us & one other family, ultimately choosing the other families over us.

We even had two opportunities to adopt brother sets from foster care, but were denied because the system is broken and we cannot transfer our home-study.

Adoption has forced growth. Agonizing, but positively life-changing. And even though I’m exhausted, I know God is faithful so I’ll keep fighting for these children!

I’ve learned that God sees me. He sees you too.
He empathizes with the pain I feel, even though He already knows the ending of this story and the joy I’ll experience one day.
God has patiently let me have my tantrums, later gracing me with information that proved He was protecting our family.
Despite how it feels, how it may look, He will complete what He begins. If He’s called you to something, He will finish it. He doesn’t lead you aimlessly, it all has a purpose.

Daily I have to lay down my desires, my fears, my dreams at the feet of Jesus and trust that He has a story greater then I could ever imagine.