Since we announced we’re adopting, the amount of conversations I’ve had is overwhelming (in a great way!). I’ve been surprised how many families have considered adoption and (like us) are just clueless where to start.
I’ve also had a lot of people ask me questions that I feel a lot of you have. Adoption is a whole other world and I felt so overwhelmed when I was doing the initial research because I wasn’t sure what I was even looking for AND I was learning a new language (words/terms).
Today, we’re going to do a little Q&A with the most common questions I’ve been receiving lately.
What led you to adoption?
In High School, I just saw myself adopting. I was around multiple families who had adopted a child and even though I was completely clueless about a lot that comes with adoption, I just felt like it would be part of my story one day. When Aaron and I were dating and talking about kids, I brought the idea of adoption up to him, which he said he had a heart for it as well. We agreed we’d start with our own biological kids (unless we weren’t able to conceive).
Years went by of occasionally talking about it (mainly in passing) but our biological kids are so close in age, there really wasn’t any breathing room to seriously discuss it.
Occasionally I would feel God nudge me to pray for the birth mom (always at very random times too), which I would do. But in January 2022 the Lord really made adoption heavy on my heart. So I prayed about it some more and then brought the idea up to Aaron again. We agreed to start the research process and pray more about it and God just made it so evident that this was the next step for our family, so here we are.
Where are you in the process?
The very, very beginning. There are three upfront costs that are right after each other and each require payment upfront. So we decided to announce and start the fundraising before we signed papers to begin the process.
Are you adopting domestic (in the USA) or internationally (from another country)?
Domestic (USA).
What age are you wanting?
Newborn.
Although we would take in all the kids if we could, we feel called to adopt at birth, which means we likely will be chosen by the birth mom during her pregnancy.
What agency are you using?
We looked at a few different agencies (I literally Googled “adoption agencies in Alabama”), but only one was seriously being considered and even then we weren’t in love with it. I have a couple acquaintances here in Alabama who adopted within the last 5 years and they both used this same agency. But one of them said if they adopted again, they’d probably use this other that a friend of hers works at.
I went to their website and no joke read every single word. Even the employee “This Is Us” and “Events” page. I absolutely loved what I saw so I scheduled a free one-on-one phone call for the next day. Aaron joined us and for the 30-minute call where we got to share a piece of our story (how we met, our early years together, having our own kids, where we live, what we do now, etc.) and have some questions answered. We left the conversation with so much peace, we cannot explain it.
The agency is Faithful Adoption Consultants. They are not technically an agency but a consulting firm. They work with dozens of agencies across the country and guide us every step of the way – before and after we bring the child home.
Other agencies only show you cases (moms who want to put their child up for adoption / kids in the system) that have been brought to them. After looking at our preferences, we likely would only be presented with 3-5 cases a year. Because FAC’s network is so large, they said we’d likely receive 3-5 cases a week. Shortening our wait time from an average of 2-4years to 9-12months to bring a child home.
How much does it cost?
A lot. Haha.
There is a stigma around having to pay so much for adoption that greatly frustrates people, and I understand. But one of our initial questions on that phone call was about cost and we were informed what the costs actually cover. From costs of the home study (when the state comes to vet you and make sure you’re actually capable of taking on a child) to covering medical costs, we were shown a breakdown of exactly where the money goes and we are very comfortable with it.
Every case costs a different amount of money because there are a lot of factors at play. For our situation, we will be matched during pregnancy so a good chunk of our money is going towards paying her medical bills.
FAC told us to set a budget and they would present us cases that met and were below our budget. They strongly encouraged us to set it for no less than $40,000-$45,000. However, we plan on exceeding that.
There are lots of cases that cost $20,000’s and some even less than that. It just depends on the age of the child and at what point / where you are adopting from.
What are your fundraising plans?
We have several which we are super excited about.
- straight money donation
- yard sales / selling stuff online
- t-shirts and other merchandise
- outdoor movie nights
- baby bottle change
- various events on our property
What is your contact going to be with the birth mom?
FAC requests that we be willing to have a semi-open adoption (some contact with the birth mom). Minimum is sharing photos through FAC on a regular basis until the child is 13 years old, at which point we can reevaluate and stop if we’d like.
Even if the mom says she doesn’t want contact, we’re still asked to share the photos with FAC incase she changes her mind at any time.
The other options are contact during pregnancy and contact after birth (like exchanging phone numbers, home or park visits, holidays & holiday gift exchanges, etc.)
We are happy to be in contact during pregnancy but as for after the birth, it depends on the situation. At the end of the day, we have to protect our children.
Like I said, adoption is a whole other world but I have immensely enjoyed talking about what I know and sharing our story.
As the process continues, I am confident more questions will arise so keep a lookout for “Adoption FAQ – part 2.”