I wanted to take a step back from all the fundraiser talk and chat about our heart behind this adoption journey so far. Not like, “reason why we’re doing it” heart but “how we’re doing.”
Adoption isn’t just fundraisers and facts / updates, there is also a lot of emotions.
Just like I shared in our adoption announcement – No matter what brings you to adoption – it’s heavy. It’s a journey that brings out every emotion, even from just making the decision to pursue it. And I’ve definitely had my fair share of emotions throughout these last few months.
Since January, I’ve felt:
- excited
- expectant
- scared
- exhausted
- judged
- thankful
- blessed
Please hear me, we are so excited and I feel so much joy and life about this journey and topic. But, it’s also a hard.
One thing I really struggled with for a while is simply a reality – that transition when the baby goes from their birth mom to me. Because at the end of the day, I am not their mom. Not really. And that reality has been so heavy to me at times. But God has been kind and spoke this truth to me – “I have always planned for you to be their mom.”
Sure, I won’t give birth to them, but I will be the one to hold, comfort, kiss, hug, teach, feed, clothe, celebrate and cry with them.
And if they choose to pursue a relationship with their birth mom one day, it says absolutely nothing about me and my abilities or lack of. I trust I will always have a special place in their heart, and so will their birth mom. And that is wonderful.
I will never be their birth mom, but I will be their mom.
Another reality of this adoption journey so far is it’s exhausting. It’s a full time job and I’ve become creatively dry because of it. I’ve lost sleep to thoughts, dreams, plans, fundraiser prep, etc. My eyes have been bloodshot from late nights and my feet sore from never sitting down that day. I’m convinced that some of the tears I shed the moment we hold our baby will stem from the exhaustion from all the busy we endured to get there.
My children are so invested in this journey too, which is sweet and I’m very thankful for. But, I also know they’ve already begun to make sacrifices. They’ve sold belongings, spent their time preparing for fundraisers and been confined to their car seat for hours driving around dropping things off. They’re amazing and I want to publicly acknowledge that it’s not just us who are making sacrifices and adjustments, it’s our whole crew!
That’s an overview of what’s been hard, but let me tell you what has brought me JOY.
I have met some of the coolest people through this journey. People’s generosity regularly blows me away and makes me teary eyed. Our community has been incredibly supportive, excited and invested in our journey. My prayers have been richer, my purpose in life clearer and God has been louder. I’ve heard God’s gentle voice so often these last few months and I can honestly say it’s been one of my favorite season just because of that.
