As both a mom of four kiddos AND a mom in waiting, I know Mother’s Day can bring a lot of emotions. Joy, anger, grief, jealousy. It’s a lot. It’s overwhelming sometimes.
Last year (2022) I took pictures with my four kids hoping (kind of assuming if I’m honest) that we’d have our adopted babes by 2023. My exact words were, “I love being mama to Rylie, Emmaline, Paisley, Spencer &, someday, our adopted baby (who might be in our Mother’s Day picture next year 😄“
Well, here I am, with the same four babies I had last year. I’m a mom in waiting.
It’s tricky, being a mom AND a mom in waiting. For my story anyway, it’s a mix of contentment and impatience. Joy and grief. Understanding and anxiousness.
I’m so thankful for the way God has held my hand through this journey. I seriously couldn’t do it without Him.
I’ve also been extremely aware the lately that I do not deserve children. No one does. It’s by God’s kindness that He entrusts us with souls to nurture and raise. That doesn’t mean that people who can’t have kids are not favored by God – He has a beautiful story for them and if that’s you, I hope you have a relationship with Him and know that. But because I am recently very aware that I don’t deserve what I have (and what I will someday be chosen for), I’m differently grateful this year. Because today, God has chosen me to be the mom of Rylie, Emmaline, Paisley and Spencer.
And one day, another woman will entrust me to be “mom” for her child(ren). And with honor and humility, I’ll do my best.
I’m thankful for Rylie – for her tomboy, gentle, compassionate soul. She’s the most loyal person I know and the little leader our home needs.
I’m thankful for Emmaline – who is everything girly, kind, subtle and intentional. She loves her people deeply.
I’m thankful for Paisley – who lives life loudly, boldly and yet with so much sincerity.
I’m thankful for Spencer – who is strong, brave, sweet and very goofy.
And I’m thankful for the adoption journey. The beautiful, hard, tangled, joyful, painful journey.
It’s taught me, stretched me, broken me, strengthened me, grown me.
And even though this year they aren’t in pictures, I’m okay. Because I know one day they will be.
